Video Games (and my downfall into isolation)

I first want to mention that this journal is one thought leading to another. I start out talking about video games and then figure out my real problem, and trying to shorten it would take forever and would leave out detail (and posting it really helps the relief).  But I at least took the liberty to proof-read it all and edit it a bit before posting it

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Video games are awesome, they’re a great, if not the greatest, form of entertainment, I will risk chapter 9 of Algebra to spend a couple hours playing games.

yes, I do love video games, though for years I haven’t played video games; like,none at all.  and with these gaps I missed out on some great titles like  Ratchet and Clank, Devil May Cry, Prince of Persia, and believe it or not-  even Mario games.  And it’s this gap that brings up some depressed emotions in me

it was a time where I didn’t play games because I didn’t have the money nor the expense for every game that cam out, and then it quickly became a time where I didn’t have the consoles to play the game.And then it slowly ended up becoming me not caring anymore.  And it was such sad timing too, it all started around when I had a dream to go into video game production.

I don’t know which did it, was it all the “cool-kids” talking about nothing butHalo (an M rated game on a console I did not own) or was it bad titles likeShadow the Hedgehog and Kingdom Hearts II that made me hate video games?  what ever it was, it sure chased me away from video games for years.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I am more thankful for this time to help me develop my artistic talents and pursue a dream in the arts. But coming back to this world, I realize that I have missed out on so many great titles that could possibly be the best games made to date.  ”it’s too late for me” , I often say to myself, I’ve had the same experience with the Lord of the Rings movies.  Even if I could play the games, it would be, 1- too expensive, 2- take lots of time in my life, and 3- I would have to find friends with a burning enthusiasm for the games today to convince me to play them.

I don’t know what to do, I got a whole career ahead of me to work for and lots of learning to do; and spending my life catching up at this point will sucker punch my life, which is only living on one kidney as is (metaphorically speaking).  I don’t even have time to play any of the 25 games I have on Steam and PC.

So video games, i don’t know if they’re for me or if I should try

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The reason why this bothers me is not really my desire to play these games, it bothers me for when it comes to friends, new-found friends, and especially myself that I don’t know what everyone’s talking about.  Trying to get what they’re referencing, drawing/asking me to draw and nonchalant conversations has lead to a lot of embarrassments and arguments.

In a way, I feel isolated and left out from my friends and detached from the rest of the world.  For me, being left out is probably the biggest of my fears; and yet it’s the story of my life.  Being an outsider all my life, I’ve always liked to invite myself into other people’s activities, conversations, and even friendship circles.  And once I have a taste of it, I can never get enough let alone hope it never ends.  And the world has centered itself around the culture of video games, and there’s too many titles for me to catch up

Even off the topic of Video games, I am back to being alone for other reasons.  Most of my close friends are leaving on religious missions or going to schools far away.  Some of my friends are always working on part time and even full time jobs with no time to hang out. Or some of my friends have given up on aspiration and now waste away on fore-mentioned video games, and rather do that than hang out with me.

I’ve always tried to reach out with my art and talents, worked out in some places, but it always comes back to a Video Game culture everyone shares.  And with the internet, video games were a bigger culture than I anticipated; and it does leave walls between me and other people.  And I do state that there are things that I won’t lower myself to.  Sometimes I have to stand my own ground on my own beliefs and standards, and I won’t break that just to be included.  Even then, I’m still not getting anywhere. to make matters worse,

A lonely life gives me no spark of inspiration, and I can feel my talents fail me every time I pick up a pencil and raise a finger to a note on my guitar.  And this is why I haven’t done any drawings recently

If you go up and ask “why don’t you get a girlfriend?”,  I’ve already tried that for a long time with no success. Getting a girlfriend is 10 times harder to do than just getting a friend,.  Having Aspergers does make a lot of things hard to do and understand, and making friends is one of my challenges.

I am now struggling at a time and age where me and everyone else has no time for anything anymore.  Life is hard
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So thinking through all this, I am ever more thankful for all those who stick by me, support me as an acquainted or a fan, and share/comment on all my work.  All of you are now what I have to inspire me, and I shall work harder to please you all.  That’s why I draw, to impress and make the people that inspire me happy

Thank you!

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if you ask why my journal is like this and weird, it’s because this is really how my thinking process works; I rant about one thing on my mind until I can figure out what it is that’s truly bothering me.  One thing leads to another

If you took your time to read it all, I thank you/apologize if you found it as a waste of your time.

I’m also going to make a silly mention of thanks to Apocalyptica for making the music that raises me out of depression and keeps me upbeat. If you’ve never heard of them, I highly recommend you check them out.  I was listening to their “Reflections” album while writing this, and it really is making me feel better as I close this.

thank you all, I feel like getting back to drawing again.

just some weird Animal Chicks and stuff